A Quick List of Red Flags for Those Interested in Dating Men:

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1. Can’t text you back in a reasonable amount of time. It’s just common courtesy.

2. Doesn’t read fiction. People who don’t appreciate fiction and think they can only “learn” from non-fiction are DUMB. I’m sure they don’t have an issue watching fictional movies. We learn to think outside of ourselves from fiction. Those who don’t see the value in this blow.

3. Apathetic about politics. If you are interested in dating men, you are part of a disenfranchised group of people. If a guy you’re with is apathetic about politics, he really doesn’t give a shit about your (and possibly his) plight. Fuck that.

4. Speaks ill of your friends. Only we can do that. Your guy can support you, but beyond that, it’s manipulative and creepy.

6. Not generous. I’m not saying they have to buy you a ton of shit (I’m all about supporting myself, and I don’t expect my bf to buy me lavish gifts all the time). However, if he is weird about splitting the bill or doesn’t buy your friends a drink when you go out, he probably won’t be generous to you in emotional or sexual ways, which is a motherfucking deal breaker!!! This brings me to my next point:

7. Won’t eat you out. I’m not even going to BEGIN to explain my feelings about men who do this to people. Dump any asshole who doesn’t immediately go down on you the first time you hook up. The end.

8. Won’t have period sex. See rule #9.

9. Anti-feminist. If the person you are with is opposed to any or all forms of feminism, they are Satan, and stay away from them. This goes for racists and classists too.

If a man you are dating displays any of the above behaviors, you need to GTFO and buy yourself a new vibrator to replace them.

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