by generally bad at most things
Writing at 4:13 AM. Took Adderall earlier to survive my rote job and life, and can’t sleep. Need to see a therapist to discuss this and other things…
First things that come to mind:
- I hate the sun. It gives me anxiety and makes me feel pressure to go out and do things. What’s up with that? Is it possible I have a weird condition where the sun actually causes me pain?
- I love the rain because I don’t feel pressure to do stuff, so I actually do stuff. Should I use reverse psychology to make myself do everything?
- I feel bored and anxious a lot, so I take drugs, and it’s great. Is it better to be productive on drugs and possibly die? Or is it better to be bored and anxious and eventually die from ennui?
- I love sleeping 14 hours on the weekend. Is this ok, or am I definitely fucked up?
- I have difficulty talking to my parents without getting anxious. Normal-ish? We should probably unpack this…
- I’d rather be alone than with terrible people. Is this me knowing myself with the perk of being a money saver? Orrrr, does this just mean I’m a selfish bitch?
- Why do I hate people who have never been depressed?
- Am I depressed or just bored, white, and privileged? (Ding ding ding!)
- I feel my life is a constant mish-mash of hopeless discontent and a god complex. What personality disorder is this?
- Will I ever find mental solace after years of drug abuse?
- Does this list make me the fucking worst?