ASMR Gives Me All The Feels 

by cucumber martini

My friend Quinn and I are discussing ASMR. I have recently become addicted to it.

“Ooooffff, pins pushed into a microphone. I’ve been finding it hard to get the tingles lately, but pins in the mic are really doing it for me right now.” 

I used to fall asleep listening to Quinn play the Sims and clean her apartment. She mentioned ASMR, saying I might be into it, as I find small noises soothing. I used to zone out and find inner peace watching and listening to someone wrap presents: the slow cutting of the wrapping paper, the ripping of the scotch tape, the gentle folding….

Quinn would speak about ASMR, but I always zoned out as I simultaneously scrolled through the Selfridges app. “Little noises that pique your senses…blah blah.” “Uhuh, cool, cool, Quinn,” I’d respond half-heartedly. 

Then I came across an ASMR live on TikTok. A girl and her brother stared at their monitor, reading comments from the audience and trying to meet as many requests as possible: 

“Click your nails on the candle.”

“Crinkle the magazine pages.”

“Use the keyboard.”

“Put plastic wrap on your microphone.”

“Nails on microphone.”

“Brush on microphone.”

“Omg, I’m falling asleep.”

“You guys are so good.”

“Do the brush on the mic again.”

It sounds like some weird kink. But oh my, it feels so good. My eyes feel heavy, and my brain feels all fuzzy and warm. I find myself thinking, “yes, please tab your nails again on your candle, rustle those magazine pages.”

The noises are relaxing me and giving me a quasi-out-of-body experience. It reminds me of going to the doctor and having them slightly touch you as they take your blood pressure and then type notes into their computer. It is similarly satisfying and easing as watching someone organize something and quietly do their work, rustling some papers. I begin to get drowsy. 

The next day I Google ASMR and read about the tingly feeling I got while the video played. It’s the feeling you get when someone softly touches you during a perfunctory procedure. It specifically referenced a visit to the doctor. I felt so seen. 

I start watching ASMR TikToks everyday. I’m fascinated by a channel featuring one girl who posts TikToks of different sensations you could experience with her. Contouring. Baking sounds. Eye exam. Mic triggers. Glove noises. Science experiments. She whispers during the various procedures, making soft noises around the mic, making you feel fuzzy and warm. My partner walks in on me listening to one, and he is very disturbed. “Her whispering is so creepy.” “Yes,” I agree. “It sounds vaguely sexual and weird. But you can’t think about it. Then it’s pure bliss.”

I watch a TikTok live of a girl who does less whispering but works wonders on her mic. First, she applies plastic wrap, followed by shaving cream, then moves the shaving cream around with a brush. It makes a slight crackling noise. It is so pleasant. She then sprays something in the air, and it delicately falls on the shaving-creamed mic, simulating a soft rain falling on newly fallen snow. I’m in deep.

I start putting on 3-hour-long ASMR YouTube videos to go to sleep. I become attuned to the noises that really do it for me.

Water sloshing around. Bad.

Nails on wood. Good.

Whispering sponsor info. Really bad.

I enjoy a nice whisper as someone taps things with long nails, crinkles paper, and talks about Quotidien pleasantries. I sit in on one girl simulating a sleep clinic test. She whispers questions to me about my general health, takes notes, and does breathing work with me. It isn’t my favorite, but it’s definitely an experience and maybe something nice to re-explore down the road. Next, I watch a man on TikTok clean horseshoes. I would say it was more satisfying than relaxing.

Literally, you can search for any rote task, and someone has turned it into an ASMR video. I kind of want to track down a video of someone creating geometric forms with a ruler on a chalkboard with thick chalk, then have them erase it and sponge the chalkboard down. I think I would find that very relaxing. 

Finally, I caught up with Quinn, who mentioned ASMR from the very beginning. She feels so seen. We talk about our likes and dislikes. There are some YouTube videos we have both fallen asleep to. We discuss how we don’t like the way some people dress up as weird kinky jailbait with kitty ears to make their videos. I tell her I enjoy whispering, while she says she enjoys the water sounds I fucking hate as they constantly make me want to pee. She mentions Southernasmr, a channel hosted by a woman with a charming southern accent who talks you through her tasks, whether they be shopping at the dollar tree and organizing soap or going through her dad’s coin draw while clinking coins and whispering. (Loved it.)

I feel ASMR gets a bad rep, as some people think it’s sexual or that it’s people chewing and making weird noises. The truth is, it’s whatever you want it to be. I encourage everyone to try listening and see what works for them. And if it creeps you the F out, that’s fine too, but you are missing out on some fuzzy feelings!